It’s in the Comfort: 3 Tips to Becoming More Confident

I have spent years trying to become more confident.

So many times I’ve walked out of the house, got tons of compliments and yet was paranoid everywhere I went that a hair was out of place. I needed to constantly be in a camera or a mirror to make sure I looked perfect.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized confidence comes when you’re comfortable. Period.

Comfortability is the difference between trying to be confident and being confident.

These three areas will help you own your personal style and feel so much more confident about yourself.

Hair: An Authentic Mane

I made the decision two months ago to lock my hair, and it was the most liberating decision I could have made. My hair is so coarse that my dad put a relaxer in it at age 2! I went on my natural hair journey to discover my texture and, yes, I fell in love with it. But it is very difficult to manage and takes time that I don’t have as a working wife, mother, & associate pastor. I was spending hours washing, detangling, flat twisting, etc. It was taking up more time than I was personally comfortable spending.

My confidence level shot up the day I committed to locs. And here’s why: I was hiding behind my hair. I was looking for approval with every 4 hour style I created. And now I understand this truth: what we do with our outward appearance should be a reflection of who we are and what we value. It should inspire other people to be who they are—to be authentic and creative and expressive. And that’s not what I was doing.

Wear your hair in the style that makes you feel the most comfortable—the most free. This will resonate with others because they can see who you really are and not just a pretty hair style.

Clothing: The Right Fit

I am guilty of wearing clothes that are too small (in denial about my weight gain and/or too lazy to shop for new clothes), and I am guilty of wearing clothes that are too big (trying to cover up to avoid being noticed or the center of the attention). Both are unhealthy. The sweet spot is finding clothes that fit just right and finding the brands that flatter you the most. Think about your favorite article of clothing. Is it a jacket? A maxi dress? A great pair of jeans?

Explore what else the brand makes. Buy multiples. Because if it’s your favorite, it means you feel comfortable in it. I’m a huge fan of a romper or one piece. I think it’s flattering on my shape, it’s only one piece (I’m so lazy y’all), and I feel so pretty and feminine in them.

Beauty Tools: Personalized For You

There are two extremes when it comes to makeup and beauty enhancements: complete make-up junkies vs. the “I-don’t-need-all-that/I-don’t-have-time-for-all-that” crew.

I’m right smack dab in the middle of these. I use makeup and beauty tools to enhance what I’ve been given. However, when I worked at ULTA, I was definitely a junkie! It was a whole new world, and I was spending way too much money on products that I didn’t really need. A better way is to find the areas that you want to enhance and invest in quality products/tools to make these the focal points of your every day or special occasion looks.

My areas are my eyes, the dark circles beneath my eyes, my eyebrows & the redness in my skin.

So, I get my lashes done (they be poppin’ girl!), I wear a thick concealer, I use a quality eyebrow pencil and I mostly wear a light coverage foundation. A special occasion may call for more but those are my staples.

When you narrow down what you need and want, you’re able to carve out a signature look.

What is it that makes you most confident?


  1. Kristyan Perez
    August 1, 2020 / 6:51 pm

    Thank you for speaking the TRUTH about the hair struggle! The women I see who look comfortable, also look the most confident, and that is beauty.

  2. August 1, 2020 / 7:11 pm

    As a older woman, wearing my natural hair was the best, most liberating thing I have ever done. I too was tired of all the pain we as women put ourselves thru trying to fit an image that is impossible to keep up with. I finally said F#@$ it! This is me…take it or leave it. My hair is healthier than it’s ever been and I LOVE rocking my NATURAL curls . It has been a life changer on how I present myself as a women overall. It’s easy, trained and disciplined, all the things I aspired to become in this par6 of my journey.

    Keep pushing Monica❤

    • August 3, 2020 / 1:59 am

      I love it! “This is me…take it or leave it.” YES! Thank you for sharing!

  3. Jade Ranger
    August 2, 2020 / 2:47 am

    I LOVE this Monica!!! So proud of you for this blog. Keep being the beautiful, authentic woman that you are. Blessed to know you girl.

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